How He (God) Did It?

Several days ago, I was gonna share many good things happened in my family under this title... How after a crisis my family could became together again, how we went out for a simple dinner on Valentine's Day, how we had dinner together on the Chinese New Year's Eve, how we went out for brunch with other relatives to celebrate Chinese New Year's, and how the situation was peaceful at home.

But... it has changed now. My mom's change is truly a temporary thing. It was such a miracle she asked apology to me for the sake of Dad that night... Sigh... My prediction was correct. The change is temporer only.

I don't know what's wrong with me or with her. I don't know who's fault is this. I've been trying very hard to do what everyone around me told me to do when I deal with mom: keep silent. Well, for some reason, I could keep silent and let her finish the nag whenever she wants. But, this lately she's been nagging over the border, and that's when I stop my silence. I couldn't handle it anymore. Wish I really left the house that night without prolonging my time to pack up things.

Everything she complaint to me was actually a simple thing that could be kept as simple as that. But, unfortunately, the way she delivers her complaints makes everything becomes extravagant, extraordinary, and extra-everything. Yep, I'm not over-reacting or make things sound hiperbole... it's true.

Everytime she got mad at me, she complaints about little things I didn't do. She blamed me for not helping (her) to do chores. She complaint that I couldn't return the favor of whatever things my parents initiatively did for me. Some other time she complaint that I can't be responsible for myself. Basically, she was saying that I don't have initiative, I'm irresponsible and that I don't care about my surrounding and my family. It sounds like I'm a monster who always creates troubles and triggers fight at home.

Now, I'm not the only child they have in their family, right? I fell I'm treated unfair here. I'm tired... tired with everything... the never-changing situation, the nags, the blames, the judgments... everything.

I think I have to take courage to make a BIG CHANGE.... I'm better and they're better when I'm away from them. Believe me. Unfortunately, I can't be on my own yet. I still depend on my dad. Maybe it's the time I move from my comfort zone and try to live independently, although maybe I'll have to live my life like crazy: working and studying. More unfortunately, it's very hard to find a part-time job, here, in Jakarta.... sigh...

Well... Let me try to figure things out, and I'll share everything later on... I just wonder... How He Did this to me....