Current Struggle ...

I just recently watched "Step Up" DVD for the second time. The story of Tyler's struggle in the movie kindda reflected in my personal life. *by the way, it's raining at the moment I write this; after all the hot, shinny, humid day...pheeww finally, whatta relief..*

Back to Tyler's struggle throughout the movie... He didn't know exactly what he wants to do in life (not until the end of the movie)... Just like what I experience in my whole life, although I'm already 22 currently. Ever since I was a child I've wanted to become so many things... or maybe not... I don't think I have. I do realize now that I don't have any goal and objective for myself. What do I want?

I know that I have some talents and abilities such as singing, dancing, cooking, and perhaps make people happy (I used to be able to do this). It's not that I'm trying to proud myself or be snobbish about it, but for sure, I haven't maximize the potential in me. I know that I can sing... I know that I can move... I know I love to perform on stage and be the center of attention... but... I've never move my talents and abilities to the next level...

I once (or have) wated to become a performer: sing, dance and give some acting together with it... I've done several things to expand my range: vocal class, dance class, modeling course... but talents and abilities are just not enough... just what was being said throughout the movie... I have to put some effort and show how bad I want it. Now, the problem is, How bad do I want it?

I'm affraid that what I said on the previous sentences were derived from the fame, galamorous and positive effects I see through my point of view towards a career being a performer such as a singer, a dancer, or an an actor. I'm affraid that it's not what I really want. Even if it is what I want in life, I don't have enough resources to support me. First, my family kindda expect me to do something conventional: go to school, earn a grade, get a job or continue parent's small business and off course to get married . Second, the society and even my close people around me would have some kind of prejudism, stereotype, judgement, and whatever you name 'em; that those kind of life is immortal and do not offer any certainties for my future life. Third, without any supports and beliefs from trusted people that I expected, I won't gain any success even if I fight for it... at least that's what I thought...

Now, with all the considerations, and perhaps combined with the journey that had happenned in my life up until now, I'm stucked here pursuing a bachelor degree in Marketing and try as hard as I could to graduate with good grades. It's one and a half more year to get my degree and I won't harm or spoil it with my thoughts and desires of doing what I want in life. I will finish my study and take the degree as my warranty for my future, and perhaps I would do what I want after graduation. And I do hope that it won't be too late to do it. I mean... I'm already 22 years old, for goodness sake. I hope I won't find myself too stiff or slow to learn when I finally do what I want.

One question remains as my homework, though... What do I want in life... and most importantly, how bad do I want what I want in my life?

Sigh.... what a contemplation...