Life is not about haha...hihi...

Yesterday the dog, Taka, my sister shared with her housemates was gone and I felt the guilt out of it.

I and my sister were leaving to a mall in La Brea named The Grove. When we opened the apartment door, Taka rushed out of the apartment. At first I thought he needed to pee or poo. But, when we let him out to the yard, he didn't do any of those activities. He gazed to the street at his eye level, and wanting to get into the car, going out with us.

Then, I picked him up to return him to the house. Since my sister and her housemates usually left him inside the fence, believing that Taka will eventually get inside the apartment by himself (we left the door opened for him to get in); I did the same thing as well. Instead of putting him into the house, I left him inside the apartment fence (it's only 10 steps away from the apartment).

When my sister started to drive I could still see him wanting to get out and be with us, and we thought how cute his action was. Then, off we were to the mall.

When we were strolling around the beautiful outdoor mall in La Brea, my sister's roommate called and asked whether we took Taka with us or not, and it was already one and a half hour after we left the apartment. Soon, we realized that Taka was lost.

I suddenly felt terrible last night. I believe it happened because of my mistake by leaving the dog inside the fence, but did not make sure that he went inside the house completely. I was very afraid if my sister and her roomies will get mad at me. I know how they love the dog, and I love him too, very much. I was so stressed and depressed that I felt nauseous and dizzy with a funny feeling in my stomach. I stayed quiet and silence during the rest of the evening.

During the trip home, I suddenly realize that life is not always about haha and hihi. It’s not because I came here only for holiday while trying to get some experiences that I could laid back and not stayed focused. I still have responsibilities and duties as well as obligations to people around me and my family back home. Reality (once again) hit me last night.

I don’t wanna depend on my sister all the time, although I should as for now. I wanna be independent on my own and share the same obligation in terms of expenses with her and her roomies. I wanna be on my own, enjoying my life and try to find what I want in life.

Since the day I arrived here, I always hold back and keep my desire within myself. I don’t wanna hassle people around me since I came here as a guest and visitor. I should know how far I should go. After doing this for a month, I grew tired and I realized if I want to do anything I want, I should be independent and that’s what I’m pursuing right now.

I don’t know how this thought came up because of the incident of Taka, but I think it really comes from my heart. I do want to find Taka back and I could not sleep well before we found him. Fortunately, nobody went mad at me, but I still feel guilty and uneasy with them.

Sigh....

One thing for sure: when I take action and decision, I should do it for the sake of myself not others'. That's what I learn now.