Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Still Not Happy Yet

I thought I'm happy here. Yet, it was a false conclusion.

I feel I can't be the real me. I hold back everything I wanna say out loud.

Two nights ago I went outside, sitting on the outside stairs, enjoying the night summer breeze while looking at the black, dark sky. Inhaling and exhaling a smoke, I thought to myself:

I'm not happy yet. I don't know what I'm looking for here. I miss my friends back home. I miss my bestfriend back home. I miss my room. I miss my family (but not that much, hehe). It's not a homesick feeling. I've felt homesick before, but this one was not it.

I felt and feel lonely again. I miss Taka, I wish I hadn't lost him. I wish I could find him back.

Nobody here helps me to feel comfortable and accepted. I guess that's the reality when you depend on someone and has to be where the person is, at least not 24-hour.

Sigh.... Taka... where Are You ???

1 comment:

Unknown said...

if only i lived closer to you.. maybe i could be more involved or helpful to you. :(