I thought I'm happy here. Yet, it was a false conclusion.
I feel I can't be the real me. I hold back everything I wanna say out loud.
Two nights ago I went outside, sitting on the outside stairs, enjoying the night summer breeze while looking at the black, dark sky. Inhaling and exhaling a smoke, I thought to myself:
I'm not happy yet. I don't know what I'm looking for here. I miss my friends back home. I miss my bestfriend back home. I miss my room. I miss my family (but not that much, hehe). It's not a homesick feeling. I've felt homesick before, but this one was not it.
I felt and feel lonely again. I miss Taka, I wish I hadn't lost him. I wish I could find him back.
Nobody here helps me to feel comfortable and accepted. I guess that's the reality when you depend on someone and has to be where the person is, at least not 24-hour.
Sigh.... Taka... where Are You ???
1 comment:
if only i lived closer to you.. maybe i could be more involved or helpful to you. :(
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