Anxcious... Worried...

Hey Champ... waddup?

It's been such a long time since the last time I met you. How's everything? Hope all is good, all is in place.

Many things have been going on since my last job at that secretariat. I tried not to accept any work offer, planning to focus on my final paper (which is due in less than a week from now) in order to really excel and get the best grade I could achieve. However, an offer (or perhaps a favor request) from a long-time-no-see friend (I actually see her as an older sista') to assist her in preparing an off-air event made me fall from what I have decided. She has a power to persuade people.. LoL. I think that's the nature of marketing people.

The only reason I accepted the offer was because she is a good friend of mine, and (I believe you would do this too to your friends, Champ) when a friend is in need and asking help, off course you would help 'em, right? Moreover, we've made some agreement that I would still able to do my final paper and that the work load could be done part-timely and I don't have to be at the office everyday. I really-really accepted the offer not because of the money or any other reward. That's not what I have in mind, although some friends kept telling me to be professional and have everything written on paper. Well, for me, it's not the case when you're helping a friend. I sincerely do it not for money.

Along the way, as a snowball rolling down from the top of a snowy hill, the load becomes bigger and there's always a new task added to my load (a little bit of exaggeration here..). And it all happens as the dateline to submit my thesis is approaching, while I still have a whole 2 chapters to write and I gotta be ready to revise my previously submitted three chapters. I may look reluctant and hesitant when I was given those new tasks, and it's all because I grew worried and anxious that I won't make it this time to submit my thesis, that I would fail again for the second time. Yes, I'm worried, I'm afraid, I feel guilty for not focusing and putting my best effort on my thesis.

Many resources have been spent for this second chance. Many favors have been asked to help me got this second chance. Many opportunities have been trashed only because I haven't been graduated. I owe many people a lot and I don't wanna create another one. Sigh...

Because of this growing anxiety, I always feel bad if I even try to have fun in life. Friends asking me to hang out, watching a movie together, spend weekends together... and I always bail them out (on the exception for my Hepi Gank, since I could still became autistic doing my thesis and on the other hand, the weekend getaway was already planned for a month). Sigh... I would feel this miserable until I finally submit my thesis on June 18th. Although it doesn't mean I'm done there. I still have to prepare my defense: the speech and presentation and get attacked by the examinee. Yeah, I don't allow myself to enjoy life as of this moment.

But, the good thing that I could at least enjoy was a new experience I was given by helping my friend/sista' in that radio station office. I finally able to perform my talking ability as a radio announcer, although my status right now is a guest-host (another office-political situation, LoL). Yeah, at least I can enjoy that task. A task where I could give my best and shout what I have in mind out loud.

Gosh, time flies real fast when you do enjoy whatever you do. And I can't believe it's already this late. Gotta go to continue my paper, Champ. Talk to you another time, ok?

you know I love you,


xoxo,


Cho


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