A Sigh of Relieve, A Sign of Spoil or A State of Boredom?

Hey Champ...!!!

Two weeks ago I submitted my second-attempt thesis paper, although it was due two weeks before. I was not as excited as I felt when I submitted it the first time... however, I'm grateful that I could made it.

Tomorrow is my time to defense what I wrote, yet I don't care anymore about it. I haven't even prepare and retouch my slides up 'til this very moment. I don't give a d*mn about it at all. I don't care, I don't want to care, in fact, I would probably disappear tomorrow.

But, that would only happen in my dream. I realize I can't runaway anymore. I can't postpone and prolong what should be done. I should put this to an end, I should finish it and finish it gracefully. I can't wait to move on, I can't wait to see what's waiting on the other side. I've come this far, I've climbed this high, I've worked this hard... and I just want to wrap it with a memorable bow, not only for me but for everyone who has been involved emotionally (and unemotionally) and make everyone proud, especially The One up there...

My new chapter is waiting for me as soon as I end my study. I got the job that I've been involved in the process since four months ago. I remember how bad I wanted this job, I remember I kept thinking about the job every time I go to bed, I remember how I portray myself working for that title. After that so many interviews and trial and test, I got accepted four days ago.. However, I did not feel any joy nor excitement.... And I now realize that I could not be happy for being accepted on the job I've been pursuing because I still have one more task to finish, there's a homework for me to do and that would be tomorrow!!!

Earlier upon writing this to you, Champ, I went to pick up my laundry. The owner who I referred to as "Om" asked how I'm holding up with things in my life and my family... From the conversation I had this evening with him, I received a message that I should remember my God, pray and surrender to Him. Somehow, I finally felt the need to prepare and get everything ready for tomorrow.

I will prepare as best as I could, and will not worry or expect too much. I don't wanna be disappointed for the second time. This time, I should get my expected grade and proceed the convocation. I believe I would be very happy.. a very very happy person tomorrow... I just can't wait to move on. Many opportunities are waiting for me. Yeah..

I will pray, am praying and am surrendering everything to you My Lord, Jesus

Thanks for your time Champ, talk to you next time

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

Continuing Life

Hey Champ... what's up?

Again, I'm still doing my habit of leaving you off my news for quite some time.. I'm sorry. It's just I haven't found any urge to write ANYTHING and there's no driver I could find to boost up my mood to write.

Don't worry though, you're not the only one I've been abandoned. I've also been abandoning my other writing task, although it's actually urgent and important since it relates with my future. But, yeah, when I'm stucked and clouded with hatred towards the cause of my prolonged task, I became neglectful about the task and all other chores and errands and turned into such a procrastinator. What a quality I have, eh Champ? *sarcastic mode: very OONNN...

However, I still need to finish the task (no matter what) and still have to put my best-est effort to get the best grade I could achieve. Well, starting today, I'm counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds left before another submission. Friends and foes have heard about the detailed story on this prolonged task and I can't bear telling (and even writing) the story here. It's just too much. The bottom line is, I've become a legend (whether it's good or not, it depends on the angle the viewers chose to see), I broke a record and I set the bar high (to some people).

Anyway, life goes on, I gotta continue my life despite what's been happening with me. I dare to say that mostly, I learn through a hard way in every lesson of my life:

• learning that earning a degree is not as easy as how others (who are fortunate enough) earn it; HUGE rocks and DEEP holes might come in the way,
• learning that it is best not to mix friendship with business or any work-related task just out of feeling bad because I can not help (ASAS TIDAK ENAK HATI),
• learning that no matter what I gotta prioritize my own future and be stern about it,
• learning that in every work-related task, I should be stern with my limit and turn it into a professional circumstances,
• learning that when other expect me to be professional, I should have the courage to ask the same thing from them,
• learning that it is best to say no when I know I might not be able to cope with the high expectations, although disappointment from the other party will come afterwards,
• learning that I should have a brave heart when others give me a not-so-good treatment,
  
• learning that however perfect I might think my work is, God is involved and He has His own plan that I cannot understand but I should have faith that He has His own reason for whatever outcome and that it will lead into something good in His own time,
• learning that He is beyond my comprehension and thus I should fully rely and surrender in Him in whatever I do and never forget to pray and involve Him in my life,
• learning that I should be grateful with my journey so far and take all of the lessons as blessings to bring out my best potential
  

The clock is ticking now and something big is waiting for me. I should scratch procrastination, laziness, being upset, moddy, and whining from my vocabulary and replace all of them with all of the antonym that could be found and reach for my best future. A quantum leap is waiting and I cannot afford losing another chance... So, in summary: deadline, here I come....!!!

*sigh, what a relieve talking to you Champ. Gotta go now, got a tight schedule and please wish me the best of Luck... may God bless me and be with me to guide my steps.

You know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho


hungry mode: on, healthy diet mode: on - what an irony

Thanks for Ruining My Life

What's important in life for you? To me, it's when people understand and accept me just the way I am. It's just hurtful when people comment on my personality and make a joke out of it and even mock me about it. I know that I'm sensitive and too nice (sweet) as a guy, but why does it bother you people? Can't I be just what I am? Have I ever hurt you? Have I ever treated you badly? Have I stabbed you from the back? Why can't you people just let me be what I am and let me have peace in life? Are you people happy when I became miserable? Are you people happy when I'm sad and lose my grip?

I'm hurt. Really hurt. Thanks for the way you treat me people. Don't blame when I became such an a**hole and pain in the a** to all you people. Just don't blame me. You guys have made me decided this.

I hate this judgmental world. I hate those judgmental people living in that world. Screw you people!!!