Happiness

Hey Champ...
I betcha life has been treating u well.. Coz I found out that lately I'm living a life that makes me feel whole and content.

I finally found a true friendship, a kind that I've never had before. I've never imagine that I would be able to have that kind of relationship (re: friendship). What people say that a good friend is hard to find is completely, really-really true. Now that I've found it, I will nurture it as much as I could; with my whole heart, giving my loyalty to the friend who is loyal to me, accepting me the way I am, who are also a good influencer; helping me to become a better person, enriching me and patronizing me to stay in the right path. God, I thank you for this blessing You've provided me.

Other thing that also help me feel content is the job that I'm having at the moment. Although I'm still figuring out many things, I can at least try to enjoy my work, especially when my Boz and Supervisors provided me a supportive environment to perform as best as I could. Being rewarded with trust and respect within only a short period of working time for them is really surprising. I'm happy for the great treatment, though on the other hand I see it as a burden since I should not disappoint them or misuse the privileges for my personal interests. The temptation is huuugggeee, but thank God I can still manage to fight it.

Last but not least is my family and a place that I can call a home. Without them, I believe I can't be where I am right now. Thank you mom, thank you dad for the lessons and the way you've raised me. Although I'm still naughty and disobedient, I always keep your advice in my mind and heart and always try my best not to disappoint you guys. Believe me when I say this, I love you both although it's hard for me to show/say it out loud due to some barriers established between us. Yeah, I do love you guys.

In d end, I can say that Happiness is a state of emotion someone earns through hard works and by making lots of efforts which in the end could boost up the motivation to live a life. Without it, one would be miserable and confused.

As for now, my one quest that I gotta conquer is to find the Love of my life. I believe when the right time comes, that person will show up. And I do hope by that time I'm gonna be ready to embrace it. I'm tired of hoping and expecting too much. I'm sick of uncertainties, and playing games is not my thing. As for now, I can settle being by my own... I will be waiting for my REAL bright, shining ★ that is meant for me...

Take care Champ, I will talk to you soon enough you won't notice that I'm gone...

I know you love me,

Xoxo,

Cho

"Take a chance & take a risk in everything you do. It may not be as unstable as you thought. Take a step back and admire what you've done because in the end, it might be worth it. And if it's not, you learned a lesson in life and you will have grown wiser. So live your life without regrets, take chances and risks, and see how far you can fly"

Rindu Ini...

Kuterjaga dari lelapku
Rasa ini tak terbendung
Tak terkira, tak terperi

Semesta,
Kabulkan mimpiku
Untuk sejenak miliki dirinya

Dalam dekapku
Dalam hangatku
Dalam pelukku
Memadu kasih bersama

Walau hanya sejenak...

This feeling I have...

It's hard when you have a feeling about something or for someone yet you can't express it out loud...

"I wanna know why you're happy
I wanna know is it me that you miss?
I wanna know how are you doing every day
I wanna know do I even have a space in your mind and your heart?

'Coz...

I'm happy everytime I see you
I miss you every second of my life
I'm not doing okay 'coz I can't get ahold of you, yet
You are always on my mind and in my heart"

I hate this feeling but I'm happy that I'm able to feel this after being empty for quite some time; but it's killing me that I always prefer to just stop dreaming, to stop hoping, to stop wondering...

You gave me wings and made me fly towards the seventh heaven, where I always hope that I could reach the bright, shining ★: you...

But, I can't stand the journey I'm going through. I think my wings are broken now. I can't fly no more and I don't want to struggle anymore...

Just let me fall... Before it hurts me badly... Just let me fall, with my eyes looking at you, my bright, shining ★, that when I finally land and close my eyes, you are the last beautiful scene that I will see and always remember...

A Sigh of Relieve, A Sign of Spoil or A State of Boredom?

Hey Champ...!!!

Two weeks ago I submitted my second-attempt thesis paper, although it was due two weeks before. I was not as excited as I felt when I submitted it the first time... however, I'm grateful that I could made it.

Tomorrow is my time to defense what I wrote, yet I don't care anymore about it. I haven't even prepare and retouch my slides up 'til this very moment. I don't give a d*mn about it at all. I don't care, I don't want to care, in fact, I would probably disappear tomorrow.

But, that would only happen in my dream. I realize I can't runaway anymore. I can't postpone and prolong what should be done. I should put this to an end, I should finish it and finish it gracefully. I can't wait to move on, I can't wait to see what's waiting on the other side. I've come this far, I've climbed this high, I've worked this hard... and I just want to wrap it with a memorable bow, not only for me but for everyone who has been involved emotionally (and unemotionally) and make everyone proud, especially The One up there...

My new chapter is waiting for me as soon as I end my study. I got the job that I've been involved in the process since four months ago. I remember how bad I wanted this job, I remember I kept thinking about the job every time I go to bed, I remember how I portray myself working for that title. After that so many interviews and trial and test, I got accepted four days ago.. However, I did not feel any joy nor excitement.... And I now realize that I could not be happy for being accepted on the job I've been pursuing because I still have one more task to finish, there's a homework for me to do and that would be tomorrow!!!

Earlier upon writing this to you, Champ, I went to pick up my laundry. The owner who I referred to as "Om" asked how I'm holding up with things in my life and my family... From the conversation I had this evening with him, I received a message that I should remember my God, pray and surrender to Him. Somehow, I finally felt the need to prepare and get everything ready for tomorrow.

I will prepare as best as I could, and will not worry or expect too much. I don't wanna be disappointed for the second time. This time, I should get my expected grade and proceed the convocation. I believe I would be very happy.. a very very happy person tomorrow... I just can't wait to move on. Many opportunities are waiting for me. Yeah..

I will pray, am praying and am surrendering everything to you My Lord, Jesus

Thanks for your time Champ, talk to you next time

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

Continuing Life

Hey Champ... what's up?

Again, I'm still doing my habit of leaving you off my news for quite some time.. I'm sorry. It's just I haven't found any urge to write ANYTHING and there's no driver I could find to boost up my mood to write.

Don't worry though, you're not the only one I've been abandoned. I've also been abandoning my other writing task, although it's actually urgent and important since it relates with my future. But, yeah, when I'm stucked and clouded with hatred towards the cause of my prolonged task, I became neglectful about the task and all other chores and errands and turned into such a procrastinator. What a quality I have, eh Champ? *sarcastic mode: very OONNN...

However, I still need to finish the task (no matter what) and still have to put my best-est effort to get the best grade I could achieve. Well, starting today, I'm counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds left before another submission. Friends and foes have heard about the detailed story on this prolonged task and I can't bear telling (and even writing) the story here. It's just too much. The bottom line is, I've become a legend (whether it's good or not, it depends on the angle the viewers chose to see), I broke a record and I set the bar high (to some people).

Anyway, life goes on, I gotta continue my life despite what's been happening with me. I dare to say that mostly, I learn through a hard way in every lesson of my life:

• learning that earning a degree is not as easy as how others (who are fortunate enough) earn it; HUGE rocks and DEEP holes might come in the way,
• learning that it is best not to mix friendship with business or any work-related task just out of feeling bad because I can not help (ASAS TIDAK ENAK HATI),
• learning that no matter what I gotta prioritize my own future and be stern about it,
• learning that in every work-related task, I should be stern with my limit and turn it into a professional circumstances,
• learning that when other expect me to be professional, I should have the courage to ask the same thing from them,
• learning that it is best to say no when I know I might not be able to cope with the high expectations, although disappointment from the other party will come afterwards,
• learning that I should have a brave heart when others give me a not-so-good treatment,
  
• learning that however perfect I might think my work is, God is involved and He has His own plan that I cannot understand but I should have faith that He has His own reason for whatever outcome and that it will lead into something good in His own time,
• learning that He is beyond my comprehension and thus I should fully rely and surrender in Him in whatever I do and never forget to pray and involve Him in my life,
• learning that I should be grateful with my journey so far and take all of the lessons as blessings to bring out my best potential
  

The clock is ticking now and something big is waiting for me. I should scratch procrastination, laziness, being upset, moddy, and whining from my vocabulary and replace all of them with all of the antonym that could be found and reach for my best future. A quantum leap is waiting and I cannot afford losing another chance... So, in summary: deadline, here I come....!!!

*sigh, what a relieve talking to you Champ. Gotta go now, got a tight schedule and please wish me the best of Luck... may God bless me and be with me to guide my steps.

You know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho


hungry mode: on, healthy diet mode: on - what an irony

Anxcious... Worried...

Hey Champ... waddup?

It's been such a long time since the last time I met you. How's everything? Hope all is good, all is in place.

Many things have been going on since my last job at that secretariat. I tried not to accept any work offer, planning to focus on my final paper (which is due in less than a week from now) in order to really excel and get the best grade I could achieve. However, an offer (or perhaps a favor request) from a long-time-no-see friend (I actually see her as an older sista') to assist her in preparing an off-air event made me fall from what I have decided. She has a power to persuade people.. LoL. I think that's the nature of marketing people.

The only reason I accepted the offer was because she is a good friend of mine, and (I believe you would do this too to your friends, Champ) when a friend is in need and asking help, off course you would help 'em, right? Moreover, we've made some agreement that I would still able to do my final paper and that the work load could be done part-timely and I don't have to be at the office everyday. I really-really accepted the offer not because of the money or any other reward. That's not what I have in mind, although some friends kept telling me to be professional and have everything written on paper. Well, for me, it's not the case when you're helping a friend. I sincerely do it not for money.

Along the way, as a snowball rolling down from the top of a snowy hill, the load becomes bigger and there's always a new task added to my load (a little bit of exaggeration here..). And it all happens as the dateline to submit my thesis is approaching, while I still have a whole 2 chapters to write and I gotta be ready to revise my previously submitted three chapters. I may look reluctant and hesitant when I was given those new tasks, and it's all because I grew worried and anxious that I won't make it this time to submit my thesis, that I would fail again for the second time. Yes, I'm worried, I'm afraid, I feel guilty for not focusing and putting my best effort on my thesis.

Many resources have been spent for this second chance. Many favors have been asked to help me got this second chance. Many opportunities have been trashed only because I haven't been graduated. I owe many people a lot and I don't wanna create another one. Sigh...

Because of this growing anxiety, I always feel bad if I even try to have fun in life. Friends asking me to hang out, watching a movie together, spend weekends together... and I always bail them out (on the exception for my Hepi Gank, since I could still became autistic doing my thesis and on the other hand, the weekend getaway was already planned for a month). Sigh... I would feel this miserable until I finally submit my thesis on June 18th. Although it doesn't mean I'm done there. I still have to prepare my defense: the speech and presentation and get attacked by the examinee. Yeah, I don't allow myself to enjoy life as of this moment.

But, the good thing that I could at least enjoy was a new experience I was given by helping my friend/sista' in that radio station office. I finally able to perform my talking ability as a radio announcer, although my status right now is a guest-host (another office-political situation, LoL). Yeah, at least I can enjoy that task. A task where I could give my best and shout what I have in mind out loud.

Gosh, time flies real fast when you do enjoy whatever you do. And I can't believe it's already this late. Gotta go to continue my paper, Champ. Talk to you another time, ok?

you know I love you,


xoxo,


Cho


104.2 FM, Monday night, 10 PM, Guy's Talk

All in One Day

Hey Champ... what's up?

I hope you're doing fine, safe and sound as always.

Yesterday (since it's already 12:42 in the morning already) was really an interesting day. Many things happened and I also made some accomplishment and I'm loving my activities that I had yesterday.

Woke up earlier than usual in the morning, I got ready and left to work. On my way to the office, I made a stop at a tax office in order to make NPWP (Nomor Penduduk Wajib Pajak, similar with Social Security Number in the USA). It took me only around fifteen minutes from parking Buddy until I sat back on Buddy. I only had to fill out a form which asked my personal information, wait for the officer to call my name and give me my NPWP card, which looks like a credit card. Yeay! Now I can go abroad without paying fiscal fee, and Sigh... now I have to file SPT (Surat Pajak Tahunan, annual tax report) once every year although I'm only a freelancer. Yep, you wanna get your rights, you gotta do your obligation.

Anyway, off I went to my office, where I mostly revised and revised and revised and revised and revised my questionnaire for my thesis research (since there were nothing much to do at the office other than waiting for Ms. P to come. We're almost done in preparing disbandment report and presentation). I coordinated through phone calls and emails with my thesis supervisor, who is a very kind, warm-hearted and a very supportive lecturer, about changes needs to be made. And, voila.. by the time I left the office, I was ready with my near-to-perfect questionnaire.

During the office hour, I asked for a leave-time for about 30 minutes to complete my passport renewal at an immigration office in Mampang (It took me only 15 minutes to go there riding Transjakarta). There, I met a friend of my colleague who helped the passport-renewal process to become easier and went straight to the photo/interview room. It took me only 15 minutes to finish everything and I didn't have to wait for long. How nice it was to have someone to help me dealing with governmental bureaucracy, especially at the immigration office (I was once performing the process by myself, and it was such a waste of time and energy and resources. It's better to pay someone for his service in taking care of our documents). And, voila, I can take my passport on Tuesday.

When I arrived back at the office, Ms. P decided to release us earlier. It was near 4 PM and I was so very happy that all I could think of was to make arrangement with people and friends in the evening: advancing a meeting that was supposed to be at 7 PM and went to watch WOLVERINE with some good friends of mine.

The meeting I had before watching Wolverine finally made some clearance on some thoughts and expectation which made me able to consider one of my option clearly. On the other hand, the movie was great. It was such a breath of fresh air among the lousy movies in Indonesian cinemas at the moment.

After the movie, I and my friends decided to hang out for a while; where I took the opportunity to ask them to fill out my questionnaires (I call it a market-test, LoL) in order to provide me feedback on things/instructions that confuse them, any ambiguous or questionable aspects, obstacles that tackle them in answering the questions and finding any tricks to make the questionnaire looks more appealing and friendly to the respondent. And voila, I got lots of constructive criticism to (again) make some revision before I finally distribute to 300 respondents. What an accomplishment, right Champ?

Afterward, we went our separate ways, some left to continue watching movies at another cinema, and some left for home. We waved goodbye and went our own ways. When I was already in the parking lot, I realized that my folder which contains my questionnaire and all the key points for revision was left at the restaurant... Off me back to the restaurant and took my belongings which the waiters had kept for me (thanks, guys).

On my way back, I met some other friends from previous work that I did on musical event. This coincidence meeting occured in the basement-level of the building. Then, when I was in the first-level floor, I met one of my colleague from my recently previous work at 5th WIEF. Having met those people, I catched up and updated with them any recent stories and work updates. To me, it was really refreshing and fun to be able to meet them, although it was only for few minutes; but it meant so much to me.

And finally I went home riding my Buddy, realizing that I made some accomplishment in my life for today: questionnaires, job offer clarity, traveling documents, meeting with good friends

Torn apart...

Hey Champ..

Have you ever been in a situation where you have to make a choice between two great opportunities and yet you can't even decide 'coz you know only weighing the pros and cons while in the end they score the same? Moreover, you are forced to take immediate actions since you have time limit. Nonetheless, you got an advice from a friend who could see things, providing you help in making the decision, yet you still don't know what to decide.

Mr. B (if you can recall from my previous story titled "Pleaded: Guilty") today during a meeting break told me that; in making such decision, I've got to be able to answer his question first "What is your objective in life? What is your dream?" He said that I gotta have to find my own dream and try to make it true before it's too late when I realize that I'm actually not living my dream. Sounds cliche, uh? Not really though. It really hit me really hard. He then shared that he failed to follow his dream to be a fisherman in Japan and that somehow he regretted it. He believed that in his previous life he was a fisherman, which what he should had been continue doing now.

He told me that every person actually already has a dream deep inside himself, only one needs to find it and aim to live it. He pointed at one spot faraway from where we stand at the 27th floor and said that, "you may want to reach that spot right there, but, you gotta decide which way you wanna go, 'coz as you can see from down below, there are so many ways you can take which in the end lead to that very spot."

Yes, I haven't been able to answer his very first two question up until now. In my resume, I always write that my objective is to contribute to the company as much as I can and gain experiences as many as I can for my future. But I believe it's no longer valid for my situation: a person who almost graduate from his university and start building his future. Yes, how do I wanna see in myself in 5-10 years from now? What is my ultimate dream? What do I wanna do in reaching that dream? I can't only work here and there every once in a while.. I gotta start to think wisely and step on a stable surface for my better future...

Meanwhile, I'm still facing my daily-simple-troubles-but-when-you-pile-it-up-it's-gonna-explode-your-head-as-if-you're-having-one-huge,serious-problem. Yes.. to start with, my current freelance work is being prolonged for two weeks. For this, I gotta handle job desc. from my two other colleagues since my boz could only afford prolonging one person and the only person available is me. I'm not saying I don't want it, I just wish I get a better compensation other than only being paid (hahaha.. greedy me.. can I be blamed for that? I don't think so. It's my prerogative. No? LoL).

Furthermore, I need to prepare documents to make a new passport since I'm having a trip outside Indonesia in one week and my deadline to extend my passport would be today. I didn't realize my passport is going to expired in one month. Gosh... who would pay attention to passport's expiry date when you don't travel abroad that often? Gosh... I'm so thankful to my colleague's network that she's able to find someone in the business who could help me renew my passport without much hassle.

One more thing, I gotta clear all my belongings from my wardrobe/closet/drawer/cabinet since the carpenters are going to knock it down and turn it into a new wardrobe and bed frame. The pressure is, by the time I leave the house in the morning, it has to be empty. Sigh.. if only I was given this information few days ago or at least early this week instead of at 10.30 PM this night, I won't be so bad tempered in handling the task.

I was soooooooo much troubled and tired with all my problems that I grew unhappy. When I'm unhappy, I eat alot. I ate more than usual this night. A piece of chicken thigh, 2 small pieces of boiled chicken breast fillet, a piece of small fish, with a small bowl of traditional chilli sauce. To topped it off, since I'm still stressed and unhappy, I ate a place of rice (can u imagine? eating rice at 11 PM?) with soy sauce and looooootttsssssss of fried onions.... (hhhhhhaaaaaahhhhhh.... here, smell my breath... hahaha).

Sigh... very tired.. indeed, I am...

Gotta go now, Champ

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

ps. junior consultant or business development? which one?

A Change... To Wait For or To Make?

People keep talking about a change in life... Some says they're waiting... Some says they're making... Some says they're blank and I'm one of those blanky mind. I feel stuck right now and I realize that I need a change to make life becomes more interesting, more challenging, more fun, and more worthy.

Fortunately, I still have friends, oh yes Thank God I do... ranging from the best until acquaintance... (I've put all those hypocrites back-stabbers behind). Friends who always there when I need them, even without me asking, Friends who listen when I need to talk, who call when they feel I'm not in a good situation, who talk for hours while I'm listening to help me get some distraction, who gives me advice and solution when they know I'm in trouble. The crowd is there, but I often feel empty and alone, if not lonely.

That empty and alone sense have turned me, since I-don't-know-when, into an unmotivated person, which portrayed as being lazy to most people and that I often procrastinating, even on my very important task: final paper a.k.a thesis (skripsi). Sigh... Yap.. I'm that tired... that bored with my current life...

I always thought that maybe... MAYBE... if I have someone special, someone who I could share my life with, someone who wants to work things out instead of complaining, nagging, b**ching, or playing around; I would be happier, I would be better motivated to take actions in my life... But, that wishful thinking has never been fulfilled up 'til now... and I'm an inch away from giving up in hoping and expecting. I grew tired already to chase, to make moves and to found out in the end that it didn't mean a thing for the chasee.

Sigh... I will definitely dragging myself to work on my final paper starting tomorrow... becoming an autistic with my books, journals, laptop, questionnaires and SPSS.. really need to buy stocks of Carribean Nut Latte or perhaps I should rent a space to live at Starbucks... since they have better latte than the one I mentioned just now...

To that someone special, I can only wait now.. as I mentioned in my previous post.. I'm not going anywhere.. just here, waiting for you.. and I do hope you take easy way to get here, not the complicated, full with turns or roundabouts.... but, yeah.. I'm not complaining.. as long as you're here... I'll be waiting...

Clarity

I climbed through the mountains
The steep valleys, the rocky hills
Only to find it's not there

I walked through the forests
The lush trees, the misty air
Only to find it's not there

I walked through the deserts
The whispering sands, the stinging heat
And it's still not there

I swam through the rivers
The cold water, the wide passage
Again, it's still not there

I dove into the oceans
The deep blue sea, the enigmatic silence
And again ... (sigh) ...
It's still not there

Fought myself not to drawn, I rose
Forced myself not to collapse, I walked

Empty and longing, I breathed
Torn and shattered, I discerned

I pause ...

I surrender
I let it catch me in peace, eternally

"My Love,
here I wait
Fly me up,
to be with thee"

The Peak

I'm at a point in my life where I finally need to think really hard about my future and make decisions upon many things. The hardest part was in making the decisions, especially when there are options available.

Let alone the fact that human can't predict the future, yet one should realize that any decision made in the present time will generate butterfly effects in the future. Moreover, human should consider not only himself in making the decision, but also many people that could be affected by the decision made.

Sigh.. life's not hard. What's hard was finding the best decision for your life. You want to find happiness in life but reality clashed. You seek for what's best for your heart, and again reality strikes. I think I can no longer find happiness if I have to consider lots of things...

I'm tired... very tired...

...

..

.

Back: I'm home...

I just had Indomie Kari Ayam Medan with boiled duck egg for my lunch while watching TV when I realized that I am here... yeah... I am still HERE... (where have I been actually? I myself am not sure... I think I was lost somewhere in the middle of my dream...)

So, Here I am, back to my origin state after such a wonderful ride on a roller coaster. Now I guess it's really time to go back on my duties and to think about my future. The clock is ticking and I should focus on things that would appreciate me and bring me goodness.

My thesis, my business, my college... here I come. Don't you guys miss me already? I don't... LoL... (making extra effort to start writing my thesis again).


ps. I think I'm gonna make these indulgence for my January treat. Wanna try? Seduce me to be on my guest list.. LoL

cheesy sausage noodle-pizza

banana milkshake & peanut butter cookie sandwich

A Metamorphosis of Love

Often times I hear stories from my friends' experiences, I watch stories portrayed from movies and then I read stories from many books. Some of the stories ends happily (whether it's ever after or not, that's another issue) while most of them ends unhappily. Together with my own experiences, if I may, I would like to conclude my view on mankind's never ending issue of all time: Love.

The journey of Love is like a metamorphosis of A Butterfly

Sekecil telur kupu-kupu ia hadir di dalam hati
Nyaman di dalam naungan kelembutan
Sampai ia menetas dan tumbuh

Merayap, mengenyam cinta dan kasih
Dari hati yang digerogoti dengan pasti
Hingga kenyang, tiada bersisa

Dalam puas ia diam
Stagnan di tengah hening
Memintal kabut, membalut diri
Menutup diri, merenung
Menyembuhkan luka

Ia pahami peran hidupnya
Ketika hati sudah tidak lagi mencinta
Ketika rasa itu sudah tidak lagi dapat diberi
Ketika hasrat itu sudah tidak lagi dapat diterima
Ia harus dapat berangkat dan pergi
Lepas dari kungkungan perasaan yang mendalam
Melepaskan diri dan mencintai dari kejauhan

Dalam ketidaksadaran ia menjelma
Menjadi sosok yang indah
Siap menebarkan cerita
Berbagi kasih kepada dunia

Cinta itu tidak hilang
Rasa itu tidak mereda
Hanya, Ia be(r)evolusi

The Death & The Hope

The Death came by to risen a new Hope...

As they do, I'm attacked by diarrhea
(again, for the next time in my life that I remember)

Sigh... I hate this part,
the D* part...

Now I know...

I think I'm waaaayyy over with my melodramatic mood. I think I know why I acted that way and now I'm learning how to cope with it, how to deal with it with many helps my beloved people showed me, though perhaps they don't realize how they did it. I just feel lucky to be where I am at the moment.

I feel lucky to have people who loves me
I feel lucky to have people whom I can care about
I feel lucky to have people whom I can love
I feel lucky with the wonderful ride of my life

When I feel lucky, I feel happy
When I feel happy, all I can think of is people I care the most;
Wanting to share my happiness with them,
wanting them to feel what I feel
Though I realize I can't want them to be by my side all the time

Yeah, I think that's the essence of loving. When you love something or someone, you can't turn what you love into your possession 'coz nothing and no one wants to be possessed. Instead, you should be able to let them be free and be what they want to be, especially if they're living creatures.

Yeah, I'm so lucky...
God, please let this feeling stays
Love you...

"Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

...

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning 'round
You hold me right here right now"


(lyrics: Lucky by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat)

I should fully Surrender... shouldn't I?

I'm at a point in my life where I don't know what's happening and what's about to happen next. Life has finally show its mystery on me and I'm a victim who can't predict nor control my next step anymore.

I thought I already knew myself inside out, yet I suddenly lose my grip. I don't know why this is happening. I've forgotten many things in making friends or creating a relationships. I no longer has the ability nor any knowledge to let things happen as it is.

I think I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.... I think I'll just surrender to everything and see where everything goes from now on.... So help me God, this I pray...

"There's so much life I've left to live
And this fire is burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the way
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you

'Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

I know I can't survive
Another night away from you
You're the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there's no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I'll live again with love
And no they can't take that away from me
And they will see...

...

Every night's getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive
Can't you hear my call
I surrender all

...

Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you

Right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you"


(I Surrender, performed by Celine Dion)

Contentment; A Peaceful, Soothing sense to my Heart

"So suddenly, so strange
Life wakes you up, things change
I've done my best, I've served my call
I thought I had it all

So suddenly, so strong
My prejudice was gone
You needed me, I found my place
I'm different now, these days..."

... ... ...

These past few days I've been containing myself with mood and emotions. I got too carried away with my hopes and desire that I became someone I didn't recognize myself... Doing things I don't normally do, Acting weird looking melodramatic all over, Forgetting how to behave, Losing my senses to interact and Pushing things out of the force...

I suddenly realized all these after some funny, weird feeling I experienced. Perhaps it is true when people says that emotions can drive you upside down. Now I want everything to happen naturally without me preparing any effort to push things according to my wants. I just want to let it be and let it flow smoothly as the breeze carries waves to the shores. I want everything to be natural, according to God's will. Yeah.... No longer I live in my imagination nor my wishful thinking...

... ... ...

"...You trusted me to grow
I gave my heart to show
There's nothing else I cherish more
I stand by you for sure

Now the greatest reward
Is the love that I can give
I'm here for you now
For as long as I live
You made me who I am

So suddenly, it's clear to me
Things change
Our future lies in here and now
We made it through somehow..."


(lyrics: The Greatest Reward by Celine Dion)

Please... don't stop the music... For Just a While

"...Please don't stop the music
Please don't stop the music
Please don't stop the music
Please don't stop the music..."

For just a while
I need some moment
To escape from this world
...

"... I wanna take you away
Lets escape into the music
DJ let it play..."

Forgetting pressures
Neglecting judgments
Escaping reality
...

"... I just can't refuse it
Like the way you do this
Keep on rockin' to it..."

Cherishing life
To be what I want
For just a while
...

"... Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the music..."

Yeah, DJ....
please don't stop the music...

A nEw Era, A New Chapter

This is a very new chapter in my life...
Adding someone special as a part of it...

I do hope things will work out
As I learn many things from the relationship


...


Thank You God

Thursday, August 21st 2008

Yeah..
Thursday...
August 21st 2008...

One of the best day in my life..
The day I will never forget in my life...

There are too many to mention
Too many to be kept as secrets
Yet I wanna shout it out loud to the world

Let the walls be the silent witness