Continuing Life

Hey Champ... what's up?

Again, I'm still doing my habit of leaving you off my news for quite some time.. I'm sorry. It's just I haven't found any urge to write ANYTHING and there's no driver I could find to boost up my mood to write.

Don't worry though, you're not the only one I've been abandoned. I've also been abandoning my other writing task, although it's actually urgent and important since it relates with my future. But, yeah, when I'm stucked and clouded with hatred towards the cause of my prolonged task, I became neglectful about the task and all other chores and errands and turned into such a procrastinator. What a quality I have, eh Champ? *sarcastic mode: very OONNN...

However, I still need to finish the task (no matter what) and still have to put my best-est effort to get the best grade I could achieve. Well, starting today, I'm counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds left before another submission. Friends and foes have heard about the detailed story on this prolonged task and I can't bear telling (and even writing) the story here. It's just too much. The bottom line is, I've become a legend (whether it's good or not, it depends on the angle the viewers chose to see), I broke a record and I set the bar high (to some people).

Anyway, life goes on, I gotta continue my life despite what's been happening with me. I dare to say that mostly, I learn through a hard way in every lesson of my life:

• learning that earning a degree is not as easy as how others (who are fortunate enough) earn it; HUGE rocks and DEEP holes might come in the way,
• learning that it is best not to mix friendship with business or any work-related task just out of feeling bad because I can not help (ASAS TIDAK ENAK HATI),
• learning that no matter what I gotta prioritize my own future and be stern about it,
• learning that in every work-related task, I should be stern with my limit and turn it into a professional circumstances,
• learning that when other expect me to be professional, I should have the courage to ask the same thing from them,
• learning that it is best to say no when I know I might not be able to cope with the high expectations, although disappointment from the other party will come afterwards,
• learning that I should have a brave heart when others give me a not-so-good treatment,
  
• learning that however perfect I might think my work is, God is involved and He has His own plan that I cannot understand but I should have faith that He has His own reason for whatever outcome and that it will lead into something good in His own time,
• learning that He is beyond my comprehension and thus I should fully rely and surrender in Him in whatever I do and never forget to pray and involve Him in my life,
• learning that I should be grateful with my journey so far and take all of the lessons as blessings to bring out my best potential
  

The clock is ticking now and something big is waiting for me. I should scratch procrastination, laziness, being upset, moddy, and whining from my vocabulary and replace all of them with all of the antonym that could be found and reach for my best future. A quantum leap is waiting and I cannot afford losing another chance... So, in summary: deadline, here I come....!!!

*sigh, what a relieve talking to you Champ. Gotta go now, got a tight schedule and please wish me the best of Luck... may God bless me and be with me to guide my steps.

You know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho


hungry mode: on, healthy diet mode: on - what an irony

Anxcious... Worried...

Hey Champ... waddup?

It's been such a long time since the last time I met you. How's everything? Hope all is good, all is in place.

Many things have been going on since my last job at that secretariat. I tried not to accept any work offer, planning to focus on my final paper (which is due in less than a week from now) in order to really excel and get the best grade I could achieve. However, an offer (or perhaps a favor request) from a long-time-no-see friend (I actually see her as an older sista') to assist her in preparing an off-air event made me fall from what I have decided. She has a power to persuade people.. LoL. I think that's the nature of marketing people.

The only reason I accepted the offer was because she is a good friend of mine, and (I believe you would do this too to your friends, Champ) when a friend is in need and asking help, off course you would help 'em, right? Moreover, we've made some agreement that I would still able to do my final paper and that the work load could be done part-timely and I don't have to be at the office everyday. I really-really accepted the offer not because of the money or any other reward. That's not what I have in mind, although some friends kept telling me to be professional and have everything written on paper. Well, for me, it's not the case when you're helping a friend. I sincerely do it not for money.

Along the way, as a snowball rolling down from the top of a snowy hill, the load becomes bigger and there's always a new task added to my load (a little bit of exaggeration here..). And it all happens as the dateline to submit my thesis is approaching, while I still have a whole 2 chapters to write and I gotta be ready to revise my previously submitted three chapters. I may look reluctant and hesitant when I was given those new tasks, and it's all because I grew worried and anxious that I won't make it this time to submit my thesis, that I would fail again for the second time. Yes, I'm worried, I'm afraid, I feel guilty for not focusing and putting my best effort on my thesis.

Many resources have been spent for this second chance. Many favors have been asked to help me got this second chance. Many opportunities have been trashed only because I haven't been graduated. I owe many people a lot and I don't wanna create another one. Sigh...

Because of this growing anxiety, I always feel bad if I even try to have fun in life. Friends asking me to hang out, watching a movie together, spend weekends together... and I always bail them out (on the exception for my Hepi Gank, since I could still became autistic doing my thesis and on the other hand, the weekend getaway was already planned for a month). Sigh... I would feel this miserable until I finally submit my thesis on June 18th. Although it doesn't mean I'm done there. I still have to prepare my defense: the speech and presentation and get attacked by the examinee. Yeah, I don't allow myself to enjoy life as of this moment.

But, the good thing that I could at least enjoy was a new experience I was given by helping my friend/sista' in that radio station office. I finally able to perform my talking ability as a radio announcer, although my status right now is a guest-host (another office-political situation, LoL). Yeah, at least I can enjoy that task. A task where I could give my best and shout what I have in mind out loud.

Gosh, time flies real fast when you do enjoy whatever you do. And I can't believe it's already this late. Gotta go to continue my paper, Champ. Talk to you another time, ok?

you know I love you,


xoxo,


Cho


104.2 FM, Monday night, 10 PM, Guy's Talk

Clarity

I climbed through the mountains
The steep valleys, the rocky hills
Only to find it's not there

I walked through the forests
The lush trees, the misty air
Only to find it's not there

I walked through the deserts
The whispering sands, the stinging heat
And it's still not there

I swam through the rivers
The cold water, the wide passage
Again, it's still not there

I dove into the oceans
The deep blue sea, the enigmatic silence
And again ... (sigh) ...
It's still not there

Fought myself not to drawn, I rose
Forced myself not to collapse, I walked

Empty and longing, I breathed
Torn and shattered, I discerned

I pause ...

I surrender
I let it catch me in peace, eternally

"My Love,
here I wait
Fly me up,
to be with thee"

Reposting: untitled

Ada sebuah rumput di teras rumahku
Hijau dengan pucuk cokelat sebesar bulir beras
Selalu menguning pada satu masa
Menghijau pada masa yang lain
Namun tidak pernah layu

Begitukah rasa sayang dan cinta?
Menguning ketika tidak ada yang bisa dicintai
Menghijau ketika rasa itu tumbuh pada seseorang yang hadir
Dan kembali menguning ketika seseorang itu pergi menjauh
Meski rasa itu tidak pernah lekang sepanjang masa

Kupalingkan pandangku pada langit malam
Berawan dan merah tanpa kehadiran sang bintang
Sesendu perasaan hati yang galau dan gundah
Sambil kuhembuskan asap
Dari batang yang membara

...

(previously posted on 11/2/08 @ 11.30 PM)

Back: I'm home...

I just had Indomie Kari Ayam Medan with boiled duck egg for my lunch while watching TV when I realized that I am here... yeah... I am still HERE... (where have I been actually? I myself am not sure... I think I was lost somewhere in the middle of my dream...)

So, Here I am, back to my origin state after such a wonderful ride on a roller coaster. Now I guess it's really time to go back on my duties and to think about my future. The clock is ticking and I should focus on things that would appreciate me and bring me goodness.

My thesis, my business, my college... here I come. Don't you guys miss me already? I don't... LoL... (making extra effort to start writing my thesis again).


ps. I think I'm gonna make these indulgence for my January treat. Wanna try? Seduce me to be on my guest list.. LoL

cheesy sausage noodle-pizza

banana milkshake & peanut butter cookie sandwich

A Metamorphosis of Love

Often times I hear stories from my friends' experiences, I watch stories portrayed from movies and then I read stories from many books. Some of the stories ends happily (whether it's ever after or not, that's another issue) while most of them ends unhappily. Together with my own experiences, if I may, I would like to conclude my view on mankind's never ending issue of all time: Love.

The journey of Love is like a metamorphosis of A Butterfly

Sekecil telur kupu-kupu ia hadir di dalam hati
Nyaman di dalam naungan kelembutan
Sampai ia menetas dan tumbuh

Merayap, mengenyam cinta dan kasih
Dari hati yang digerogoti dengan pasti
Hingga kenyang, tiada bersisa

Dalam puas ia diam
Stagnan di tengah hening
Memintal kabut, membalut diri
Menutup diri, merenung
Menyembuhkan luka

Ia pahami peran hidupnya
Ketika hati sudah tidak lagi mencinta
Ketika rasa itu sudah tidak lagi dapat diberi
Ketika hasrat itu sudah tidak lagi dapat diterima
Ia harus dapat berangkat dan pergi
Lepas dari kungkungan perasaan yang mendalam
Melepaskan diri dan mencintai dari kejauhan

Dalam ketidaksadaran ia menjelma
Menjadi sosok yang indah
Siap menebarkan cerita
Berbagi kasih kepada dunia

Cinta itu tidak hilang
Rasa itu tidak mereda
Hanya, Ia be(r)evolusi

Now I know...

I think I'm waaaayyy over with my melodramatic mood. I think I know why I acted that way and now I'm learning how to cope with it, how to deal with it with many helps my beloved people showed me, though perhaps they don't realize how they did it. I just feel lucky to be where I am at the moment.

I feel lucky to have people who loves me
I feel lucky to have people whom I can care about
I feel lucky to have people whom I can love
I feel lucky with the wonderful ride of my life

When I feel lucky, I feel happy
When I feel happy, all I can think of is people I care the most;
Wanting to share my happiness with them,
wanting them to feel what I feel
Though I realize I can't want them to be by my side all the time

Yeah, I think that's the essence of loving. When you love something or someone, you can't turn what you love into your possession 'coz nothing and no one wants to be possessed. Instead, you should be able to let them be free and be what they want to be, especially if they're living creatures.

Yeah, I'm so lucky...
God, please let this feeling stays
Love you...

"Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

...

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning 'round
You hold me right here right now"


(lyrics: Lucky by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat)

Contentment; A Peaceful, Soothing sense to my Heart

"So suddenly, so strange
Life wakes you up, things change
I've done my best, I've served my call
I thought I had it all

So suddenly, so strong
My prejudice was gone
You needed me, I found my place
I'm different now, these days..."

... ... ...

These past few days I've been containing myself with mood and emotions. I got too carried away with my hopes and desire that I became someone I didn't recognize myself... Doing things I don't normally do, Acting weird looking melodramatic all over, Forgetting how to behave, Losing my senses to interact and Pushing things out of the force...

I suddenly realized all these after some funny, weird feeling I experienced. Perhaps it is true when people says that emotions can drive you upside down. Now I want everything to happen naturally without me preparing any effort to push things according to my wants. I just want to let it be and let it flow smoothly as the breeze carries waves to the shores. I want everything to be natural, according to God's will. Yeah.... No longer I live in my imagination nor my wishful thinking...

... ... ...

"...You trusted me to grow
I gave my heart to show
There's nothing else I cherish more
I stand by you for sure

Now the greatest reward
Is the love that I can give
I'm here for you now
For as long as I live
You made me who I am

So suddenly, it's clear to me
Things change
Our future lies in here and now
We made it through somehow..."


(lyrics: The Greatest Reward by Celine Dion)

An Unexpected Turnover

When your hope is high
And something happened
And your hope is spoiled,
You'll be hurt.

I've been expecting for my second internship so bad that I really postponed everything and prepare myself for that. In the end, the HR Department told the user that in order to maintain fairness among applicants and provide a wide chance for others, an intern may not be hired twice although he/she may extend their internship period. Moreover, while prolonging the period, he/she may not switch to other department.

To make thing even worse; when my going-to-be manager explained this to me, I was already working there half day. I could say nothing. The rules is there and nothing I could do about it. I can only say "okay" and "that's fine"

After digesting the whole words I heard, sitting in front of my friend whom-I-supposed-to-replace, I felt something.... It was like my heart went down to the very bottom of the earth the gravity could suck. Yeah... felt terrible... sad... down... disappointed. I didn't know, or perhaps I've forgotten, that disappointment felt that bad.

Yeah, that feeling affects the rest of my day, up until now... One thing I learn from this, I should never fully rely on human, never put my hopes too high, and never expect too much.

It hurts...
Oh yeah, it does...
Even more when you're already so close and still so far.

The Closure

Most times in our life, we are faced with issues. Some are good, some aren't. Normally, dealing with the good ones will probably results in happiness or other positive outcomes. On the other hand, dealing with the bad one will need extra effort either to solve it or leave it and move on.

On some rare occasion, there are issues which bring happiness and sadness together... for example issues regarding L-O-V-E. It could create happiness and bring someone to the 7th Heaven or Clouds#9; a funny feeling as if a butterfly spreads its wings inside your stomach.

On the other side, when the love didn't get a return, it will bring some sadness and disappointment where one should handle it carefully not to create further emotional breakdown. Facing rejection, one may grieve for a moment and move on while others may plan for another strategy to get the heart. At least, that person still hope for a chance...

The later was my experience with someone. I've been dealing with it for quite some time that I realize it's not gonna be healthy for me to hope for things I may not get. I realize I should not put my hope and expectation too high, thus I decided to get a closure.

Thank God I did that. Thank God I seek for a closure. I gain peace (after a little hurt) and am able to move on to my next chapter. I learned that closure is one important thing to seek.

"Thank you for giving me an answer. Thank you for taking care of my heart. Thank you for being you. I am glad to have you in my life. I will always care about you.... as your best friend."

Learning from the Card

I was actually very stunned after my friend told me what the cards read about my soul situation. I couldn't believe the card was somewhat accurate.

I remember most what the second card said (according to my friend), "Your task now is to love yourself and gather your self-esteem back in order to forgive and forget things from the past that hurt you in present situation."

For three years I've been sincerely begging for forgiveness and seeking for reconciliation. For three years I've let myself been hurt. For three years I've been hoping that a good relationship can be maintained. For three years I've tried to gain back trust. Yet the outcome was still harsh and irreligious from people who seemed to be religious.

I had been hoping for a reconciliation and a good relationship (although it didn't have to be as good as before) until I really realized that my gesture did not get any warm reply. I hoped too high, perhaps. I have decided not to put anymore effort in turning everything back. Reality hits me: it's beyond my control.

On the day before my friend read me his cards, I have decided to let everything to just happened and be as what it is. I said to myself: no more!! I don't want to be such a stupid person who lets past shadows my future. Everything is put and I will let it be. That's my definition of letting go.

I decided to stop my gesture because I want people to realize that I'm not fighting them. I'm not a person who likes to fight with others, and I'm sure my true friends understand this; that I always look for peace in solving any problems unless someone attack or intimidate me. In terms of confrontation, I always try to put effort in solving things peacefully by fully surrender to what has been ordained to me if I believe objective discussion is not possible at all. Yet people still question my sincere motive and misinterpret acts of wisdom and maturity as being gutless.

Since few months ago I have decided to stop being a stupid beggar and to let everything flows naturally. It is what it is. Let by gone be by gone. May only the fond memories stays in my heart and not the hard feelings.

My Friend and His Superstitious Cards

Lately, a friend of mine has been very interested with card-reading, either using Tarot or Oracle cards. On one fine day, just recently, he asked my permission, out of a blue, to read my soul using his Oracle card; to see what's going on in my life at that moment and discover any advice in dealing with the situation.

I'm one of a person who does not really trust that kind of thing, but I decided to enjoy the experience for fun. My eagerness as well as my other friends' to test his ability in reading cards and the cards' accuracy made him felt fully supported yet challenged. As he began his demonstration, he told me that his method will involve picking up five cards according to his intuition while shuffling the deck and displaying the picked-up cards in a row based on the first to come out.

The first card he drew, which represented my present, said "Trust the Divine Plan." My friend who read the card said that I'm so much affected, waaaaaaayyyy tooo much, with my failures & hurts in the past that I let the pain consume my faith in my life journey I've traveled so far. Because of the pain, I became overly defensive with my surroundings and very doubtful with the good outcome from an incident in the past.

Since it was a public reading rather than a private one, I pretended that it didn't mean a thing, only smiled and nodded.

As he continued, he told me that the card advised me to appreciate what had happened to me because it had happened according to the plan from the Creator. The incident I have experienced so far has shaped me into a very wonderful, creative soul (he used word 'soul' since it was a Soul Oracle Card). In the end, my friend said that the card told me to appreciate and respect my life. Although it is very hard to understand what I have encountered so far, the experience was very essential for my journey and was not a mistake. It told me that I'm still on schedule with my life's agenda.

I said to myself, "whoaaaaaa... what a very deep one yet it hit the nail" while only saying "okay, I buy that one" in front of the group while they cheered to my card reader. Indeed, something terrible and unforgettable had happened three years ago where I learned through pains and torments.

The session became very interesting that I was very curious to find out what the next cards would tell me.

The second card, which represented my past, said "Forgive and Forget." It told me that I'm still hurts so much from betrayals and disappointments from my past that I refrain myself from any deep, intimate relationship with people (my goodness, can this card be anymore accurate?). It told me that I have to knock down any threshold that stopping me from receiving support from other people. It said that my life is now shifting that I needed to open up in order to move forward. (Hmmmm... does 'open up' mean something or anything in specific?). My task now is to love myself and gather my self-esteem back in order to forgive and forget things from the past that hurt me in present situation. I've hurt, I've survived, I've learned (the hard way) and now it's the time to move forward. That was what the card told me.

What my friend told me was just a coincidence, I believe, because the other three cards did not gave me such same effects. The third one, which represented my immediate future said "Quietly Served,"which advised me that I had to run my daily, boring routines peacefully and joyfully without the need to expect something great; which an act that shows my spiritual maturity.

The fourth card, which represented what I've failed to see said "Refine Your Attention," which advised me to find another focus or get focused in my life. Last but not least was the fifth card which represented my long-term opportunity. It said "Laugh at Your Demons," which advised me to laugh and not to let anything stopping me from being positive. As I laugh, I should believe that everything will all straighten up.

My friends cheered as I told my card-reader, "you should be a professional card-reader and earn money from it." From every now and then many people in my campus will wait in line to get opportunity to consult with my friend and his cards. Hahaha...

Hmmm... did the card really read my soul situation at that time, or was it just a serendipity?

A Lesson about Love

I recently learned they way to love I've never experienced before. All the time that I live, I always love others through the common ways: giving & receiving, providing & taking, surrendering & believing, fighting & reconciling (while some people actually decided to stuck on fighting without any attempt to reconcile).

Now, I realize that Love also means to let go. Yes, I realize and learn that I cannot always hope that I could always be together with people that I love and care about. Sometimes there are barriers and obstacles from other human being or condition or other possible forces that do not wish the same way as I do. And yeah, for better or worse, I could only surrender to the situation and wish for the best that could ever happen and be done.

My deep condolences to the forces that do not understand the true meaning of Loving

People & Life

Sometimes I could not understand about people and their way of thinking... it's not that I wanna go back to the past, but it's inevitable not to.

Sigh.... this is one of the reason, if not justification, of why I'm not yet able to go back to my Father's Mansion, esp. in the country that I live at the moment. I'm disappointed of how most of the people of the belief think, act and treat people in their daily life. I've been there with them and I (think) I know what to do and what not to do based on what the belief teaches. Call me perfectionist, call me idealist, but it's what's supposed to be done if you have the belief, right? To trust and obey the rules. Seems like most people forget the second rule.

Those kind of people can not provide forgiveness and do not believe that one may improve over time. I've tried to defeat my own emotion and to throw my anger away in handling the situation, but apparently I have to implement what my 'Wise man of the Family" has once taught me: Not to be a fool person because life is broader and greater than to focus on one problem, particularly a person that tackles your way in achieving what's best.

That leads to my second reason of why I'm not ready to go back to my Father yet. There are still some aspects of my life that still needs to be fixed, yeah because I really want it to be perfect to go back and have a deep, personal relationship with my Father. I know how it felt because I've tasted it once, but I fell and still in the process to rise. And yeah... those kind of people I mentioned above are the major barrier. I think it's better to be an Agnostic or a Heathen than to be a blasphemous , cynical yet skeptical Pharisee.

Finding the Answer

So... I've lived here for almost 3 months now, and I've made peace with my surroundings and been able to accept my condition with huge effort not to lose everything that I've achieved so far. Don't wanna spoil my chance...

Anyway....



Curious on why I post this picture? Here's the answer

2 days ago I heard from the radio that there would be an event for scouting held by proscout. I suddenly remembered my long-time desire on becoming a model (Huahahaha.... now I can laugh about it I guess...). I even took a course in 2002 in once prestigious modeling agency and school in Jakarta... (I just realized I haven't got my certificate yet...)

Okay, this agency who held the scouting event is the most well known agency in discovering new talents in the showbiz and entertainment industry for United States and all major market in the world such as Paris, Milan, Tokyo, Barcelona, etc. They are the one who discovered the new face of Estee Lauder. Now, I thought to myself that I have the opportunity to get the answer from the pro whether or not I could be in the industry, why shoudn't I go and find out?

And so I went to that event yesterday, and I found the answer: NO.... (can't you see it written on my forehead? Gosh I should've looked into the mirror before I even have the desire...), and my life goes on..... I'll just be the audience for modeling industry...

As far as I remembered, I once shared with my good, old-time friend (whom I expect she is now, though distance tear us part... although now we're only an hour away until December...) that I'm interested in the industry because of the glamorousity, fabulous life and the fame. Now, I think I can find it elsewhere if I still want to get those things in my life, but... I think I found another goal of life and that fame, glamour and the bling-bling are not included in it.

Having heard about the answer on one of my desire, now I'm curious no more and can say goodbye to it (read: modeling) and move on with my other unstoppable desire: singing.... Huahahahaha.....


ps. beachpanda... I wish we live closer too... =(

Life is not about haha...hihi...

Yesterday the dog, Taka, my sister shared with her housemates was gone and I felt the guilt out of it.

I and my sister were leaving to a mall in La Brea named The Grove. When we opened the apartment door, Taka rushed out of the apartment. At first I thought he needed to pee or poo. But, when we let him out to the yard, he didn't do any of those activities. He gazed to the street at his eye level, and wanting to get into the car, going out with us.

Then, I picked him up to return him to the house. Since my sister and her housemates usually left him inside the fence, believing that Taka will eventually get inside the apartment by himself (we left the door opened for him to get in); I did the same thing as well. Instead of putting him into the house, I left him inside the apartment fence (it's only 10 steps away from the apartment).

When my sister started to drive I could still see him wanting to get out and be with us, and we thought how cute his action was. Then, off we were to the mall.

When we were strolling around the beautiful outdoor mall in La Brea, my sister's roommate called and asked whether we took Taka with us or not, and it was already one and a half hour after we left the apartment. Soon, we realized that Taka was lost.

I suddenly felt terrible last night. I believe it happened because of my mistake by leaving the dog inside the fence, but did not make sure that he went inside the house completely. I was very afraid if my sister and her roomies will get mad at me. I know how they love the dog, and I love him too, very much. I was so stressed and depressed that I felt nauseous and dizzy with a funny feeling in my stomach. I stayed quiet and silence during the rest of the evening.

During the trip home, I suddenly realize that life is not always about haha and hihi. It’s not because I came here only for holiday while trying to get some experiences that I could laid back and not stayed focused. I still have responsibilities and duties as well as obligations to people around me and my family back home. Reality (once again) hit me last night.

I don’t wanna depend on my sister all the time, although I should as for now. I wanna be independent on my own and share the same obligation in terms of expenses with her and her roomies. I wanna be on my own, enjoying my life and try to find what I want in life.

Since the day I arrived here, I always hold back and keep my desire within myself. I don’t wanna hassle people around me since I came here as a guest and visitor. I should know how far I should go. After doing this for a month, I grew tired and I realized if I want to do anything I want, I should be independent and that’s what I’m pursuing right now.

I don’t know how this thought came up because of the incident of Taka, but I think it really comes from my heart. I do want to find Taka back and I could not sleep well before we found him. Fortunately, nobody went mad at me, but I still feel guilty and uneasy with them.

Sigh....

One thing for sure: when I take action and decision, I should do it for the sake of myself not others'. That's what I learn now.

Seeking is Believing... Seeking is Understanding

Today is my 3rd week in Uncle Sam's land... there are not so many things had happened during which... why? becoz I basically stayed at home most of the time, doing chores and running some errands, helping my busy sister as well as her busy housemates...

During these past three weeks, I've been seeking for some opportunities to kill my (planned) time in this place. There were days I went out all day, entering one store to another asking for the chance I've been looking for.

Some of the obstacles to get the opportunity were my Chinese language incapability, lack of experiences and most importantly the "numbers" I could not provide them. Fortunately, some of the people were nice in helping me out for this quest. They helped me out in many ways they could provide. I really thank God for these kind people and their willingness to help. One was even accompanied and led me under the heat, knocking from one door to another. My gratitude to all of them.

Throughout the time, I sometimes, or perhaps most of the times, felt disappointed and discouraged because of the obstacles... But, having learned life values though the hard ways, I always put my best effort and positive attitude, hoping that I would bail the fish, no matter how big or small it is.

Today, my efforts and hard work are finally well paid; although I'm going to put more efforts and energy in the coming weeks, by having some kind of assurance that I get the opportunities I've been seeking. Thank God for the guidance and protection. I do hope that everything will turn out great from now on...

I believe that God always plan the best outcome for every individual though His way, and I understand that whatever I ask for could not be fulfilled over night. I believe and understand that whatever comes today is the answer God provides me and I'm really thankful for the opportunities.

Seeking needs to have faith on positive results
Seeking needs to understand whatever condition and circumstances dealt

Hachi-Hachi vs. The Buffet

Yesterday I had a cancelled afternoon class, which means I was free after 11.30 hrs. I had known this since two days before, thus had made a plan to go to Mal Taman Anggrek with my friend to hunt for some items. And as the result, I went there with an additional friend (so, it was the three of us), to have lunch together and afterwards hunt the items I was looking for.

Soon after we arrived, my friends wanted to made a photo-sticker first becoz it had been a very long time for them to do such thing since they were still in high-school. And, off we went to look for that kinda shop. Unfortunately, the photo-sticker thingy is no longer a trend, thus we went to Timezone where they have a fancy photo box service. And, we took 2 cute shots... hehehe...

Afterwards, we went too hach-hachi, a sushi restaurant at MTA's 3rd fl. beside KFC, for lunch. We had Salmon Club Rolls, Salmon Maki, and Crunchy Rolls. The club rolls were the best among the three. During that time, I was challanged to eat one roll with so many wasabi that my friends predicted it would had made me cried soooooo baaadddd..... And voila: I didn't cry at all, it did not give any effect to me. I myself was stunned with my ability to handle wasabi that much. Geee... am I freak or what?

In the end, we asked for the bill... aaaaannnnnndddddddd (drum rollssssss)..... ta da.....
To our suprise, the total was Rp.105.000 something.... it was around Rp.35.000 for each person. We were amazed because we had predicted that we would had to pay more than that. This is due to the fact that all of us had very full stomachs, and we highly valued the meals. Whooaaaa.... It was really worth it to eat there. Really. I would pay a return visit for next time and even promote it to other people...

I felt so much satisfied with the service and the meals they provided me and my friends. It reminded me what a waste I did two days before by having lunch at The Buffet, Mal Ciputra.

The restaurant had a great promotion that really seduce people to come and try their restaurant. They say they have great varieties of foods from all over the world, starting from the appetizers until the desserts. And they also say that the food has a good quality and great taste. To my opinion: all are lies. Yep....

I went there with my brother on Monday, during the Hindu Day of Silence holiday, thus we couldn't use the student price promotion. Instead of paying Rp.45.000 ++, we paid Rp.66.000++. And off we went inside the restaurant after a supervisor usher us to a table. When I asked him for the other table of my preference location, he said all were reserved.

Maann.. I didn't asked much, only the same table for 2 person at another area of the restaurant. I know how restaurant operates. The fact was there were some empty tables (with reserved signs) at other side of the restaurant. I believe that the signs were put on the table so that guests would had to check on the supervisor first, not necessary someone had booked them. Come on, think with logical mind: who would want to book for a table in a buffet restaurant for only 2 persons? Unless there would be many party coming in, yes, reservation in advance would be necessary, especially on public holiday. But, a party that consist of only 2 person is usually a walk in, right?

This seating arrangement was actually not a big issue. The bigger issue was with the food and the service from the chefs.

Sushi has been my favorite food ever since I taste 'em, and one of the reason I wanna try The Buffet was because they said they provide sushi as well. When I went to the line for sushi, what a great disappointment I got: the sushi were all out and they only provided rolls or maki... to make things worse, the maki were all prepared instead of freshly made. Thus, the rice was all mushy and wet, and the seaweed was no longer fresh. Moreover, when I went there during that public holiday, they only provided one type of maki: chicken katsu maki, which means a fried chicken inside the rolls. Gosh... I was so disappointed.

I was even more disappointed when I waited the chef to put new maki cuts he had prepared. The sushi provided on the table was running out, only the messy left. I didn't want to take those messy rolls and instead of giving me the new cuts he had prepared, the chef was waiting in front of me, expecting me to take those mushy and messy rolls. I stared at him in the eyes until he said "these are all the same with those on the plate..." without showing any move to put the new rolls.

I kept staring at him until he finally put the new rolls on the serving plate while saying "see...these are all the same... this...this... they are all the same..." then he left me afterwards.

Now, my question is: Is that the kind of service the company taught him? Does he has the right to treat customer that way? My experience at The Buffet Mal Ciputra was very much DISAPPOINTING. I would never recommend that restaurant to anyone. The food was bad, the dim sum was cold, the chicken was dried, the taste quality was low, and most important: The Service Was not Friendly. In the end, I had to pay Rp.95.000 for the meal and experience I did not enjoy, plus the unfriendly treatment from the service crews.

"Gosh..." I told my brother after we paid, "...had I known it was this bad, I would have had asked you to go to American Grill instead..." then we went around the mall to soothen my emotion....

One lesson: if you want to see the real face of a service provider such as restaurant, pay a visit during peak hours, thus the truth will come out: whether they could really serve customers or disappoint customers.

Jog in The Night

Yesterday was very emotional to me. I had a great anger that I needed to transfer. The energy in my body needed to be leased. So, I decided to go home at around 9 P.M, then I went jogging starting at 10 minutes before 10 P.M. Quite unusual in Jakarta, right? Huehehehehehehe...

And, it was actually quite an odd view to see someone jogging in the middle of the night around complex, here in Jakarta, Indonesia. Hahaha. Even dogs were very annoyed with me. I passed my Madre's house when I decided to finish my jog, then they were there in front of the house. One was outside the gate, and the other one was inside the gate.

When I was approaching the house, they already started barking and barking and barking and even the bark got louder and louder as I apporached them. I believe the whole neighborhood could awake. Even the deaths could have been awake from the ground to hear that bark.

Actually, when I visit the house during the day, they recognize me and they were always nice with me. Perhaps they didn't recgon me last night. Hiks...hiks...

What made me a bit upset was when the outside dog tried to bite me. I actually felt her teeth on my calf, then I turned back and face her. Then she slowly retreated while keeps barking and barking until I was gone from her sight.

Well... What a funny experience last night. Lesson learned: I'll keep jogging during the night without passing my Madre's house.